It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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