I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
