I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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