so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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