I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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