some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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