it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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