I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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