Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
