I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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