yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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