so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
