So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
