My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
