So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
