i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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