she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
