My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
