no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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