Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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