Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
