somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
