The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
