I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
