If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
