I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
