I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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