Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
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I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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