WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
