my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
