It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
