he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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