I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
