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my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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