I seem to have left my pride at pride
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
