Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm