I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.