She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dating After Heartbreak
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good