Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
