OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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