i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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