and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
