Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
