bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
