dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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