the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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