official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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