whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
