my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
