dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
