I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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