apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
