Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i love accidental penises.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
3pm strippers are depressing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize