Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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