There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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