New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
