I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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