I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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