you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
