dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
