I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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