ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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