My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize